Having to re-take the bar exam in February (and get results next May – almost a year from now!) is not in my budget.
Taking another three months off of work to study is not in my budget.
Getting paid non-attorney fees for another year is not in my budget.
And that is just my financial budget.
Not only is failing the bar exam within my financial budget, it is not in my physical, mental, or emotional budget. I cannot afford to drink this much coffee or this much wine for another three months. I cannot afford to lose more sleep, more hair, more friends, or more of my sanity. I cannot afford for my living room to look like a tornado came through. I cannot afford to fight with my fiancé any more. Or skip memorial day parties or family gatherings because “I have to study.” Or wake up in the middle of the night with another bar exam nightmare. Or face that feeling of guilt—that follows me, like a shadow—and shows its ugly face whenever I put my book down to do something other than studying.
I cannot afford another nice summer day spent inside, studying.
Failing the bar exam is not in my budget.
So true, while I do not have unlimited time, money, and energy, I can spend whatever time and money and energy and resources that I need to now and I will do whatever I have to in order to avoid having to take this bar exam again. To get my life off hold.
I constantly remind myself that all my time, money, and energy now is well-spent — and this inspiration keeps me going.
After all, I am not just paying for a test or the prestige that comes with putting an “Esquire” after my name. I am paying for physical, emotional, and financial freedom in the months to come. I am paying for the ability to move on personally and professionally. I am paying for peace of mind on the bar exam day and the long months of waiting that follow it—to know I did everything I could to pass. I am paying to move on with my life.”
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